Ketchup is God's man juice
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
false alarm, still single
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
