would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
