So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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