i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
