She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
