oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
