so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
