Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
