I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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