we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
