Everything about him screamed your future.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
