foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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