woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
