You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
