she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
