I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
