We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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