dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
