She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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