The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how drunk are you?
Several
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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