Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
