Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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