we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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