chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
