Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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