just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
