the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
