I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize