Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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