Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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