Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize