They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
