Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
