Duck Duck Cougar?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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