I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
