Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
