I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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