...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
