There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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