wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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