Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
