nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
