Sponge bath it is.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
