I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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