I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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