So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
