Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
