On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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