This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
