Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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