Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
