Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
