I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
