Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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