I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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