watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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