I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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