I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
