rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need moral support for this bender
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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