its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
