you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
