I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
