I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
