I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
