if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
