Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
