I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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