i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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