Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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