The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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