I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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