I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
