Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
