she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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