Say something about gay babies.
honey bunches of taint.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
