my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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