Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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